An audio recording of her spiritual journey is at https://gfiworld.sermon.net/

 

I came across Grace Fellowship International when I was exploring practicum options for my final semesters at Luther Rice in anticipation of graduating with a Bachelor’s degree in Religion/Biblical Counseling.  I had several ministries that I am connected with and have enjoyed serving with in the past that I could have gone back to.  I could have easily fulfilled the requirements in that way.  The problem I saw with that was that I wanted to go deeper and even expand what I was learning before just jumping back into serving.  

So, I began considering a couple of ministries that I was interested in and because I was intrigued with their methodologies, I planned to contact them to learn more about their counseling model and how I might use it in ministry.  One of the ministries involved “attachment theory” concepts, another focused on a call to live fully from the heart by recognizing how our emotions are a tool from God to help us to connect more fully with God and others, and then finally was the “Exchanged Life” model.  I started with Grace Fellowship because of the three ministries I felt most drawn to what I already knew of the deeper life teachings like Watchman Nee and Hudson Taylor.  Luther Rice also had a partnership with GFI for their Master’s students.  After going through the reading list recommended at GFI and speaking with John Woodward and a few other advisors, I knew this was the path I needed to take.  I was not disappointed, at all, even though it meant quite a bit of additional work.

The greatest benefit that I can summarize from my training with GFI is that I feel like it gave me a stronger framework for what I wanted to share with others about the abiding life in Christ.  Not only have I gone deeper into what the Lord had already taught me, but the Holy Spirit gave illumination in areas that still seemed fuzzy or I just had not fully grasped yet.  For example, the three cross testimony sums up what should be an average Christian’s experience, yet, for many of us there are years that go by between our initial accepting Christ as Savior and then surrendering our lives to Him as Lord.  Many Christians never enter into the place where they identify Christ as their very life source and victory over the temptations of their flesh, the world, and the devil. 

Personally, I feel like I have benefitted from a clearer understanding of how each person’s background and history lend insight into how their unique flesh was developed.  I feel like this is an important illumination, because without an awareness of how my flesh patterns influence my relationships and interactions, I am not as aware when flesh is in control rather than the Spirit.  To give further understanding of what I mean, I will use this personal example of a flesh pattern that has plagued nearly every day of my almost 32 years of marriage. Every tension or conflict we have ever experienced (which has been varied and many because we are so different!) I either responded to them by withdrawal and avoidance strategies or angry outbursts when the pressure built beyond my control.  There have been very few differences that I feel like I handled through the Spirit.  I felt that anger was fleshly and wrong, so I would try to hand it over to God before I sinned.  My learned pattern to subdue anger was to withdraw or bury it.  But I am learning that the “Spirit-led” way is to face whatever I need to with honesty and kindness.  Avoidance is not biblical submission but a learned flesh pattern. Understanding that avoidance is not equal to submission has been important in growing intimacy and genuine relationship with my husband.  Avoidance does not cultivate gentleness but rather it creates distance and distrust, which is an ideal atmosphere for ugly, sinful bitterness to take root.  I am coming to better recognize where my flesh shows up and thus, I am able to resist and submit to the Lord differently.  It is not the same as avoiding or denying a problem.  I now understand clearer that flesh patterns can appear good and bad, but all flesh is to be rejected. 

My husband and I both have separate experiences with legalistic churches and then we started our marriage by joining a church with the same type of legalism.  My husband grew up with rigid obedience-focused, performance-based teachings.  I came to Christ as a seventeen-year-old single mom and a high school drop-out.  When I became a Christian, I was hugely disappointed to learn that I was not able to untangle the webs of sin in my life. Actually, those webs were rather sticky and when I thought I was loosening one area, I became more aware of another.  I became discouraged, felt somewhat tricked, and quit trying.  After a couple years, God brought me back into fellowship but I joined a church that was very performance-based.  For me, even with the legalism, this would be the “second cross” part of my journey because the Spirit literally changed how I understood my relationship with Christ.  At salvation I asked Him to come into my life and join me in what I wanted.  In this time of returning, I understood that I was joining Christ in His plan and work instead of my own agenda.  Consequently, I willingly signed up to work for Him.  

This is where I see the third cross at work in my life.  It has been truly a progressive revelation by the Spirit over a span of time.  It took many years for me to further understand that Christ wanted me wholeheartedly in relationship based on what He has done, not on what I was willing to do for Him. I had earlier still missed the mark by the tricky performance-based stance, but I am thankful for God’s grace and the gentle leading into truth and freedom.  I owe a great deal of freedom in this area to GFI and Dr. Solomon’s teaching on the rejection syndrome.  The teaching that I have received this year has gone a long way in helping me see strongholds and false assumptions that have affected my relationships. I am a work in progress and I am excited about the journey.  

I am deeply thankful for the work being pursued at Grace Fellowship International and I hope to continue learning and being a part of what God is doing through this message.  I trust that I continue to be transformed through Christ, He is also working to touch the lives around me. 

 

You can contact her at jenilyn357@gmail.com